Court Out

Seven years ago Netflix made a big splash in the documentary world with their hit Making a Murderer. Gripping, shocking, highly bingeable and fundamentally debatable, the series detailing the real life case of convicted murdered Stephen Avery, replete with twists, turns and suggestions of systemic prejudice and corruption had water coolers in offices working overtime long before the pandemic really stopped people cracking on with actual work. Spectacularly scratching an itch the general public seems to have for crime, betrayal, murder, mystery and general weirdness, it ushered in a slew of wildly popular, occasionally harrowing, sporadically fascinating true crime docs which include The Tiger King, The Staircase, The Tinder Swindler, Night Stalker and Conversations with A Killer. Refreshingly, the big red N's latest docuseries offering Pepsi, Where's My Jet is just as gonzo and barely believable a true-life tale as anything that's come before, just minus the morbidity and body count.

In 1995, the eternal bridesmaids of the Cola-producing world released a TV ad to coincide with their Pepsi Points promotion promising “great stuff” - T-shirts, sunglasses, leather jackets... - in exchange for points collected from drinks purchases. Crucially the ad culminated with the (intentionally jokey) reveal that 7 million points would net you an AV-8 Harrier II fighter jet. No disclaimer to reality was made, a point not missed on one tenacious young man, John Leonard, whose battle to make the soft drinks giant back up their offer forms the basis of the doc. With a little help from his entrepreneur friend Todd Hoffman, a smattering of legal counsel from now disgraced (and incarcerated) Stormy Daniels lawyer Michael Avenatti, and the discovery of a loophole which would see the 32 million dollar military plane attainable for just $700,000 of Pepsi Points, the likeable Leonard locked horns with the pop-producers whose adamant stance that is was “clearly a joke” rang false to a young man who just really wanted the jet he was promised. Refusing a $1 million “go away” payment Pepsi offered, the seemingly guileless Leonard's plight exposed the company, with its team of corporate lawyers, arrogant responses and aggressive litigation to the kind of negative publicity which seriously undermined its coveted position as cool young upstart during the “Cola-wars” of the 90s. Without spoiling the story's outcome for those still to watch (Apologies to those with no intention of doing so.... oh, go on then, MICROSCOPIC SPOILER: He gets nothing), it's worth noting the case made its mark in legal history, still taught about in law classes today.
Remarkably, it's one of the more reasonable lawsuits in the great pantheon of ridiculous litigation where common sense, integrity and general sanity frequently take a back seat to opportunism, greed and the desperate quest for attention...

Another drinks manufacturer “falsely” offering consumers the ability to fly, Red Bull agreed to compensate customers disappointed their purchase didn't actually give them wings, as their popular ad slogan suggested. The lawsuit filed by consumer Benjamin Careathers in 2013 conceded he did not expect to sprout literal wings but expected at least a significant energy boost... He clearly wasn't adding enough Vodka cos that shit works!!

Portland resident Allen Ray Heckard attempted to sue global superstar Michael Jordan and sponsors/enablers Nike for a mammoth sum, since he said Jordan's perceived facial similarity to his own led to an “emotionally painful” life of mistaken identity and hassle from confused fans. Though one could suggest he simply grew a moustache, wore a hat, or well, get over it, Heckard felt he'd prefer $800 million dollars.... He didn't win.

In 1993, Richard Overton sued Anheuser-Busch for false advertising, citing emotional distress, mental injury and financial loss when his prolonged consumption of their Budweiser beer failed to acquire him the scenic locations, beautiful women and “unrestricted merriment” he'd drunkenly observed in their promotions. The fact he only went for $10,000 when his countrymen are grasping at close to a billion for similar-head syndrome confirms he's just the type of underachiever who thinks Budweiser is worth drinking. 

Butt-hurt Brian Delekta sued Memphis High School in 2003, seeking a grade bump to an A+ in one of his classes. Having completed assigned work experience at his own mother's law office, his case identified that missing out on the top grade had denied Delekta class valedictorian status, an injustice him (and his mummy) wanted reversed. He lost the case and presumably remained an A... for Asshole.

In 1995, inmate, Robert Lee Brock filed a lawsuit against himself for $5 million for violating his own civil rights when his drinking led him to commit crimes which saw him incarcerated. As a warden of the state, Brock contended it was the state who should foot this monster bill. The state agreed wholeheartedly, kindly increasing the figure to $8 million and releasing Brock early for being “such a clever boy”....
...Of course they didn't. They told him to pipe down and cut his porridge rations.

In 2014 Sirgiorgio Sanford Clardy also attempted to sue Nike, this time for just $100 million, claiming the company was remiss not to advertise that their Air Jordan products could be used as deadly weapons. The case was promptly dismissed, possibly due to a lack of merit or possibly since Clardy was an imprisoned pimp serving 100 years for stomping on the face of a prostitution client. That's clearly not what Nike meant when they said “Just Do It!”