Good Sport

With Wimbledon wimble-done for another year, the highs and lows of ________'s stunning / underwhelming finals victory over _________ a distant memory (at time of print) / future event (at time of writing), the mountains of surplus strawberries and double cream long since mouldered and binned, many of us, directionless and depressed, will be turning to friends and family as a hollow means of escape from the drudgeries of life, but it doesn't have to be that way. Though admittedly a highlight of any middle class calendar, the white whites, green lawns and generally impeccable etiquette of the homegrown tennis grand slam are far from the only game in town (at least if you count the whole world as a town), so allow us to help you point your hungry eyeballs somewhere else for that 2023 sporting fix and keep real life standing on the sidelines a little longer.

Underway already and concluding on August 20, the 9th Women's World Cup takes place under the auspices of its first ever co-hosts, Australia and New Zealand. With reigning champs USA the perceived favourites, our lionesses, including several new young players, are coming off an awesome 2022 European Championship victory and should hopefully provide plenty to be proud about, provided they can get over the mother of all jet lags.

Giving the pedal pushers just a few days to fix their punctures after July's Tour de France, August 3 – 13 sees Glasgow hosting “The biggest cycling event EVER”, with the 2023 UCI Cycling World Championships. Featuring 13 world championships across 7 disciplines and inviting cycling legends from all over the world to compete over 11 days, the event hopes to reinforce the “Power of the bike”. Don't even think about rocking up on your E-scooter!

If you're still jonesing for some back and forth racketry and don't mind substituting strawbs and cream with hot dogs and... I dunno...AK47s, the fourth and final grand slam tennis tournament of the year commences on August 28 with the US Open. Expect ___________ and ___________, hot off their stunning / underwhelming victories at Wimbledon to meet some fierce competition in the roster of 128 players.

Another internationally co-oped event, August 25th – September 10th sees Indonesia, Japan and the Philippines hosting the FIBA Basketball World Cup, with 32 qualifying teams from around the world competing for the men's trophy. Usually host nations are given automatic qualification for the tournaments but in the case of Indonesia, FIBA made this conditional upon a strong finish at the 2022 FIBA Asia Cup. Indonesia did not register a strong finish and so will not be able to play at their own World Cup, like a kid not allowed to his own birthday party who nevertheless gets to clean up spent party poppers and dropped cake once everyone's gone home. By comparison, the UK have it good, simply not being present due to being, well, bad.

Last year saw England's women's rugby squad narrowly beaten to World Cup victory by host nation New Zealand so September 8th offers the fellas an opportunity for revenge in France as the Men's Rugby World Cup gets underway, although we're not amongst the faves, with the host nation, the ever-dangerous All Blacks and recent grand slam winners Ireland all expected to impress. Get ready to ruck.

If dunk shots, scrum halves and... errr....beach wrestling all sound a little too frantic for you, a little birdie tells me it's the fairways you seek. The Ryder Cup, golf's biennial square off between the United States and Europe tees off September 29 in Italy. Postponed from 2021 for the same reason everything around then was bloody well postponed, the 44th Ryder Cup sees the States currently holding the trophy, having secured a 19-9 victory last go around. Although a little less well-established, the Solheim Cup is the women's equivalent tournament, this year taking place just down the road in Casares, September 22-24. Expect good golf and bad fashion. You've been fore-warned.

October 5 – November 19 sees the ODI World Cup take place in India. The sport being played is cricket which is a very boring sport. Apparently it's the world's fourth largest sporting event, so there must be lots of people who don't think it's a boring sport, although it definitely is.

If all these candy-asses throwing little balls around and hitting them with sticks and the like make you want to throw up your protein shake, perhaps you'll find something to love in Saudi Arabia, as Riyadh plays host to not just the World Weightlifting Championships (September 2 – 17) but also the World Combat Games (October 21 – 30). The former sees a plethora of men and women going all veiny whilst they pick up heavy stuff whilst the latter sees them going all veiny as they beat each other up. With some 2000 competitors participating over 16 combat sports and martial arts competitions, including boxing, karate, judo, sumo, Muay Thai, ju-jitsu and wrestling, there's something for everyone... who likes violence.

If you're looking to round out your year of sporting ups and downs with some literal sporting ups and downs, what better event to nod along to than the World Trampoline Championships taking place in Birmingham November 9 – 19th. Sure to attract some of the same pervos only tuning into the World Beach Games for the women's volleyball, nevertheless, with over 1000 gymnasts competing from more than 40 countries, the event represents the pinnacle of the boinging community's competitive year.