Happiness

Are you Happy? Connect, engage and be kind. By Ian Greenland.

The topic of mental health has never been more relevant than today. 18 months into a global pandemic which has seen vast numbers of lives lost, irredeemably altered or effectively put on hold, for many it's been nothing short of devastating. For those of us privileged enough to have enough agency to do so, it's led to a reevaluation of how we're living and what's most important.

According to the teaching of the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus, ultimately life is about the pursuit of happiness. Through scientific research we now know happier people live longer on average and Epicurus made it to his 70s some 2000 years before we began regularly brushing our teeth, let alone shouting about your 5-a-day, so he must have been on to something. Then, in 1776, Thomas Jefferson's Declaration of Independence ratified as an inalienable American right “The pursuit of Happiness” and he lived to 83!!.... although he had slaves to do a lot of his heavy lifting; More than 600... It's unclear how happy they were.  

These days we tend to think of happiness in terms of not-slavery. In fact, kindness to others has been scientifically proven to promote happiness even more productively than kindness to ourselves, at least in terms of our own sense of wellbeing. When we give to others, be it compassion, a gift or the benefit of our time and energy, we typically see a reduction in the stress hormone cortisol and an increase in the “love hormone” oxytocin, well documented in its ability to lower blood pressure and improve heart health. Depression and anxiety are curbed and life expectancy is increased and both recipients and benefactors of kindness report reduction in pain and even increases in strength and energy. Kindness is a super power.

We all probably recognise we self-medicate our own stressors by treating ourselves, whether that's a bottle of wine, a trip to the nail salon or another soon to be forgotten gadget. But the science tells us our intuitions of what's best for us are actually misplaced. Research shows our sense of wellbeing and happiness are more greatly enhanced when we turn the giving outwards, donating our time, money or kindness to others. We're social primates and ultimately we need the warmth of connection, not immaculate nails. With so many of our fellow humans trying to keep their heads above water right now, there's never been a better time to test that science.

Another area the science proves our intuitions deceive us is in our interactions with others. Most of us avoid engaging with strangers, particularly in busy, urban settings. We perceive the risk of awkwardness as too great or overestimate the mental “start-up costs” of interactions with others. Nevertheless, we're social primates and studies show that chatting to the Uber driver or, hang onto your hats now, talking to someone in a lift (aaaaarrrrrrrggggghhh!!), actually increase our sense of wellbeing and social connectedness. Of course, some intuitions are well founded so perhaps avoid chatting to the dribbling guy on the night bus, but the lesson is that letting our walls down, despite our misgivings, generally benefits us.

Of course there's no better “wall” these days than the small one in your pocket (only occasionally...) which beeps every time it wants your attention. We've all unwittingly entered a potentially dangerous psychological experiment with the advent of the internet, particularly once it became mobile. Depression and anxiety have certainly sky-rocketted in the last two decades, particularly in the young.

We evolved relying on physical and vocal cues to engage with one another healthily – eye contact, facial expressions, body language. In short, “nuance”. Nuance is something sorely lacking as we use sad face emoticons to console mourning friends online or hurl abuse at “the other side” in tweets of 280 characters or less. It's also hard to practise mindfulness or “ be present” when your phone allows you to escape the bus or the train, the queue or even that boring dinner table. Experts worry at the unconscious strain on our concentration and attention spans. How can your partner's office anecdote compete when you have the sum of human knowledge / funny cat videos, facebook and of course porn at your fingertips? The mere presence of a phone, even unused, affects the mood of a room. An experiment with strangers sat together in a waiting area recorded on average 30% less mutual smiling when one was given a phone to merely hold.

Research into family dynamics during group activities reveals the presence of phones, again even when unused, reduces feelings of connectedness and enjoyment for both adults and kids.
Tech can be a wonderful tool for happiness – The isolation of a pandemic would certainly have been more keenly felt without social platforms such as Zoom, but ultimately real connectedness comes face to face.

As powerfully demonstrated by a Harvard study which has been running since 1938, our relationships and how happy we are in them also play a crucial rule in our physical health and longevity. Beginning by tracking the health of 268 Harvard sophomores in 1938, but expanding to include hundreds of other participants of all demographics, a longitudinal data set exists which concludes those who reported the strongest social bonds, in romantic relationships as well as with friends and family, generally experience better health and longer lives.

More than money or fame, it's the close relationships in our lives which are shown to promote the most happiness, insulating us against life's worst barbs and delaying mental and physical decline. Those close social bonds have been shown to be better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, intellect or even genes, so make time for those around you and you may find you get more time.